People like you are the reason we have middle finger

HATRED

2012-02-02T09:36:00.000-08:00

I hate you. I'm patient enough to not let the past haunt me but now you turned out to be a big time bitch. Thank you for making the whole process of 'forgetting' seems impossible. You tweet like an angelic bitch when it comes to relationships but in reality, you're a complete opposite of everything that you tweeted. How bloody amazing is that? Its okay. Flirt as much as you want. Screw people's relationship as many as you can. Shit happens so do Karma. Just you wait. Thank you for screwing my relationship. No, screw you, bitch. I honestly hope that you have bad luck in your future relationships. I really do. Amin.

SIMPLE PLAN LIVE IN KL

2012-01-18T18:15:00.000-08:00

If you are planning to watch this video, please do turn down your volume especially if you're using an earphone/headphone. It is very loud. :)

I went to Simple Plan's concert on 14th of January and it was worth every Ringgit. Their showmanship was epic and I almost teared up because it was just so nostalgic. It brought back a lot of memories and it reminds me of how I've always wanted to go to their concert but I was still a kid at that time. Simple Plan songs saved my life when I was about 14-15 years old because I was really going through a difficult phase at that time. Their songs helped me get through those days when I was already on the verge of giving up on everything. So, thank you Simple Plan for producing good music and to finally be able to see you guys live, it means a lot to me. I hope that you guys would come back because I'm dying to see you guys again! Simple Plan rocks ass!

I HOPE YOU WANT TO STAY FOR A LONG TIME BECAUSE MY HEART REALLY LIKES YOU

2011-12-19T03:49:00.000-08:00

and tonight , I'll fall asleep with you in my heart

All praise goes to Allah for the existence of second chances. Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah.

I can't express just how grateful I am for having someone who is willing to forgive me albeit I've hurt him so badly. If I were in his shoes, I don't know whether I would have that much of a courage to forgive myself. I betrayed his trust big time and for once, I thought things are going to be over between us but no. He did not give up on me.

I met him this morning to clear shit up between us and I thought that would be the last time I would ever get to see him. Alhamdulillah he was so calm when discussing about it and seems to be handling things maturely. I, on the other hand, was crying like mad like I'm the one who has been cheated here. I truly hate myself for that -.- I'm glad the tears that were continuously running down my cheeks had somehow managed to soften his heart. I do not seek for sympathy. I just tend to cry whenever things get out of control or when I can't explain myself properly.

I just can't forget that moment when he wiped my tears away......

Anyway, I just want to thank you again for giving me another chance to fix everything back. I promise I won't waste this second chance and will use it to the fullest. I promise to never ever lie to you no matter what the circumstances it. I hope time will help you heal and gain your trust on me back. I'm truly hoping for that. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you so much. Only God knows just how much it means to me. I love you.

DEAR YOU III

2011-12-15T10:42:00.000-08:00

Dear you,

I've been thinking a lot these past few days about what happened between us. A LOT and it made me realized about a few things.

I realized that I don't cry myself to sleep anymore like how I did before whenever we got into fights. I am definitely more calm when dealing with these kind of stuffs. I'm glad maturity has finally prevails itself upon me. It should not be that much of a surprise since I'm turning 20 in 2012. Definitely adult enough to think maturely.

I am also matured enough to think that what happened between us were not to be blame 100% on me. I know I lied and that was a bloody huge mistake. But to think the root of it all, you somehow forced me to act that way. I don't see the need to write what was it but yeah, I still think you made me act that way.

I knew your intention was beyond good but I think its time that you learn to draw a line between what is rightfully mine and vice versa. I know this is still too far ahead to be given some thoughts now but if I succeed in achieving what I want, things would never be the same anymore. My working field involves a lot of socializing (and by socializing I mean, meeting a lot of people) which requires me to have my own time and by then, you will no longer be able to tell me when should I go back and what's not.

I hope you understand what I am trying to say here. I'm not you know, trying to shift the blame on you or anything like that. I know I am the one at fault but I just want you to give what I said above some thoughts. Perhaps it would make sense to you too. It saddens me to know that things would not be the same after this and I sure as heck don't want to think about what will happen to our relationship after this. Will it last? Will it ends? Ahh, I'm left with no fucks to give anymore.

Anyway, this may sound so out of the blue but 23rd of December is just around the corner which will marks out five years of relationship. I want to thank you for everything and I want you to know that falling in love with you was (in fact, is) one of the greatest thing that had ever happened in my life :') Thank you.

A note to my dearest fellow readers,
I'm sorry for the constant post of emotional thoughts. Will post more on this. Thank you :*

DEAR YOU II

2011-12-14T00:03:00.000-08:00

Dear you,

I hope you read this too.

I want you to know that I will distance myself from you for now and I'll just wait for you to text me first because by then, I know that you have kind of cool down and sort of forgive me. Sort of.. I don't have the guts to send any text to you right now. I don't have the guts. I just don't because I know, I am the one to blame. I am constantly praying to Allah so that you will be able to forgive my mistake this time. I really do. I can't let you go. I will wait for you. Even if it takes years and years of waiting...

LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE

2011-12-12T23:15:00.001-08:00

Dear you,

I hope you will read this. I really do.

I want you to know that I'm truly sorry for what I've done. I don't even know why I did that. I made a complete fool of myself. I create lies, lies and more lies to cover everything up but you knew better. You knew something is not right and to prove just how right you are, the check-in status appeared on my Facebook wall. At that moment, I knew I am nothing but a dead meat. There's no way I could cover that up anymore but I STILL insist on lying to cover the lies that I created before. I don't know what the hell has gotten into me yesterday. Everything is so fucked up.

I am a big time actress. I believe I deserve some kind of an award or something. I am so good at it that I can't believe just how easy those words came out of my mouth. I act so brilliantly that only God knew just how brilliant it was. I know that trust is never a good thing to be played around with but yet, I still do it. I play around with your trust until I got busted. I don't know what else to do anymore. I don't even want to imagine what will happen to us. I'm too scared. I leave everything to you now. I want you to decide what is the best for you. I am prepared for every possible consequences from my act of foolishness.

I know I will probably never be able to gain your trust back. I know that and perhaps, if we are still together after this, it is no longer a wonder if you doubt everything that I do. It is absolutely my fault. I admit it. I hope the letter that I gave you explains everything. I made a complete fool of myself. I am so truly very deeply sorry for that. Its okay if you don't ever want to forgive me for this but I still insist on apologizing. I'm sorry, awak.

Please forgive me...

YOU,

2011-12-12T05:23:00.000-08:00

FREEMASON HERE FREEMASON THERE

2011-12-11T05:44:00.000-08:00

Dearest fellow readers,

So....

We meet again :B *happy dance*

Today, I would like to share my thoughts on Freemason. Yes, the word Freemason itself might either bores you to hell or captivates your interest most. It all depends on you.

Anyways, I came across an article about how owl necklaces symbolizes Freemason. I mean, cmon. Owl? After this what? Kerusi goyang also "ohh, freemason. Tengok carpet, ohh Freemason." Freemason this. Freemason that. WHAT DO YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT FREEMASON? I blame 100% on internet for starting all this shit up. Yes, I believe about the existence of Freemason but why are we all so caught up in it? There are tons of other things that needs crucial concerning rather than these whole Freemason thing.

When certain people opposed the writer's point of view, they got bashed harshly by others saying that these kind of people TAK MENERIMA HIDAYAH and all. Who are you to even say things like that to others? You are not God. I, myself opposed the whole concept of owl necklaces having to do with Freemason. Now before you go and bash on me, read this.

I believe it is forbidden for us as Muslims to wear something that symbolizes alive things (owl for instance) but relating it with Freemason? No bro. Just no.

These whole Freemason thing is really starting to get on my nerves. Every little thing is now being related to the teachings of Freemasonry. How the hell am I suppose to survive on this planet? Shut the fuck up already okay people. Like some people said, lepas ni haram kan lah jangka lukis. Sama simbol dengan Freemason kan.

Islam is simple. Don't twist it and don't make it hard on others. Thank you.

**Now refer to the above picture. ITS A FREAKING HIBISCUS! OUR NATIONAL FLOWER. Y U GO AND TWIST IT TILL' IT BECOME A STAR (or in another meaning, a Freemason symbol). God, this is really annoying.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.......

**You guys are free to share your opinion on this.

HUMPTY DUMPTY SAT ON A WALL...

2011-11-30T01:11:00.000-08:00

Hello readers!

Forgive me for my absence for I have returned with.... nvm.

So, what is up?

I have finally moved to Glenmarie permanently. Its been about almost a week now since I left Selayang. Well not really. I go back to Selayang on alternate days so as to feed my kitties and clean their poopies. Mama won't let us bring em' here as she wish to buy a male cat with good breed. Taulah diorang comot tapi akak buang taik diorang and I love them for that ;/. sad life....

Anyways, there are still a lot of things to settle down and the house in Selayang needs a lot of repairing to do. So, might not rent it yet but mama is planning to make it as a home stay in the future. InsyaAllah.

Meanwhile, housewarming will be held most probably on the 2nd of January. I'll be inviting each and everyone of you :D So do make sure yourself are free on that day. I am mostly anticipating my classmates on that day. I have been missing them terribly especially us as the trio and the used to be The Friday Lepakmates. You know who you are :)

So, that's all for today's update. Will write again soon! xoxo

Can't help but to kiss your cheeks: Where's the love?

2011-11-23T07:17:00.000-08:00

Can't help but to kiss your cheeks: Where's the love?: Assalamualaikum and wazzap wazzap. I'm really not satisfied with the media nowadays. I'm not satisfied as a Muslim . So, I was watching ...

**I recommend you click on the link above and read the entire post. I think it is a truly brilliant post. Speaks everything that I've been wanting to write all these while. Thank you, Fir!

AWAY

2011-11-15T06:42:00.000-08:00

Alhamdulillah, I got accepted to UiTM Shah Alam to pursue my degree in Interpersonal Communication. I was overjoyed. In fact, I still am! Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah. All praise goes to Allah. I'm all geared up for my degree studies. I feel really motivated. Can't wait to start! I hope the new environment will aid in boosting my motivation to study. There will be absolutely no familiar faces since I haven't yet come across those who are taking the same course as me. Mostly are going for either broadcasting or advertising. Best of luck to those who are going for fast track. Make full use of it and I, myself really hope that I will not get sidetrack or anything like that. I want to really focus in achieving what I want. Amin.

On the other hand, I will definitely miss my KKS (Kawan Karib Selamanya) and my dear roommates. I will really really miss them. If its not for them, my life in Lendu won't be that memorable. I have so many things to cherish and I will never forget any of you. Never will. Thank you for everything and please do pray for my success and well-being in Shah Alam. Till' we meet again some other time. Okay, this is a very emotional moment for me. Lol. But heck, seriously.

Thanks Cha for the recent post. I'm touched ;') Stay strong and I hope you will never have to go through those horrible states again. Ya know what I mean, girl. You go girl! Semoga kau maintain Dean's List sampai sem 6! :'D

Ku tak layak ke syurga-Mu

2011-11-14T03:29:00.000-08:00

Selangkah anak perempuan keluar dari rumah tanpa menutup aurat, maka selangkah juga ayahnya itu hampir ke neraka

I never meant to drag you a step nearer to hell, ayah. Never will. I am constantly praying to Allah so that you live longer and if its about 'time', I pray hard that you will be place among those that are being blessed by Him. I know its about time now that I start wearing Hijab and cover my body properly but each time when I am about to do so, there will always be something that will restrain me from doing so.

Adakah aku tidak layak mendapat hidayah mu ya Allah? ;'( Aku mohon ya Allah, berilah aku kesempatan untuk merasa kemanisan iman sebagai seorang Islam sebelum aku menyahu tseru mu ya Allah. aku tidak mahu berhadapan dengan Engkau dalam keadaan aku yang masih hina seperti ini. aku hanya seorang insan yang lemah. aku sering tewas kepada nafsu. aku sering kali berdoa supaya dikuatkan hati dan iman supaya aku tidak mudah mengikut hawa nafsu namun aku tewas. bimbinglah aku ya Allah. aku mahu berubah ke jalan-Mu ya Allah. Amin..

PERSONAL THOUGHTS

2011-11-12T07:45:00.000-08:00

I personally think that our crowd sucks at "ENJOYING" live shows. I go all envious seeing other crowds being so supportive when being asked to sing along especially for the non mainstream musician/bands. I've been thinking about making a petition for Pierce The Veil to perform in Malaysia but when come to think of it, I'd rather not. I mean, what if Vic ask us to sing along with him and no one actually sings....? o.O

This is just my personal thoughts. Don't go all harsh on me for simply voicing out my opinion. Thank you :)

CONFUSED

2011-11-07T08:12:00.000-08:00

So, I have second doubt about going for fast track. This sucks. sucks. sucks. sucks. I was just talking to this friend of mine and he told me that if he pass this one interview that he applied, he will be able to further his degree studies in UK. HOW BLOODY AWESOME IS THAT? That just makes me feel like wanting to further my degree studies abroad too :(

On the other hand, its not like there will be 100% guarantee that I'll be able to further my studies abroad. I mean, its not easy ya know. So, if I choose to go for fast track, I end up doing my degree in Shah Alam. The same thing will happen if I finish my diploma. But like ayah said, 'belajar mana-mana sama je. Nak belajar dengan taknak belajar je'. That has put me into deep thoughts. Le sighs. This is so confusing and depressing.

I should perform solat istikharah by now.

RESULT

2011-11-01T20:44:00.000-07:00

So, after hours and hours of waiting, I finally got my examination result. I only managed to score 3.42 compared to last semester which was 3.56. It is a big disappointment for me and apart from the disappointment, it has also made me doubt my decision about going for fast track. I mean, is it convincing enough for me to go fast track? I'm just scared that I will not be able to perform well over there. God, please help me.

But on the bright side, I do not have to repeat anything. I was worried sick about my Psychology and Public Relations paper. So, that should put me at ease a bit for now. Good night..

P.S: Congratulations to all my friends who had done well. I'm happy for you guys :')

TYPICAL MALAYS

2011-11-01T06:20:00.000-07:00

"I marvel at how in almost every chinese community, there's a hall and stage for their community and cultural activities. Malays?" was Adibah Noor's recent tweet.

Then there's all these very "religious" people replied:

1) We have masjid and surau in our community to perform solat and ceramah which is important than cultural performances!

2) Malays got masjid which is better. Tq

I find these people amusing as she was obviously in no manner of speaking about religious centers at all! How pathetic. Such shallow-minded people.

Masjid pun mungkin hanya dijejak untuk tujuan solat raya/jumaat tetapi sudah pandai berbicara seperti seorang yang alim!

FAMILY DAY

2011-10-27T09:04:00.000-07:00

Hello fellow readers!

I am currently blogging from Jakarta. Thank God for the speedy internet connection I am able to blog happily.

So basically, I am in Jakarta for the purpose of ayah's company family day which were being held at Puncak yesterday. Puncak was such a nice place. I am in love with the chilly weather. The place that we stayed in don't even have any fans or air conditioner because the weather itself is enough to make us stay cool all day. There were greenery scene everywhere. Tea plantation was the dominating plant.

Me: Mana remote air cond? Sejuklah.

Mama: Mana ada air cond. Kipas pun takde. Cuaca dia memang sejuk.

Me: o.O

*It was thattttttt cold

The people at the family day were absolutely friendly. They mingle with you regardless of how old or how young you are. I was able to blend in perfectly. I even made some friends :'D I like the warmth feeling that they made you feel when you are around them. We were the only family from Malaysia and yet, we don't feel like we were being discriminate or anything like that. They treat us so well!

During the family day, I did horse riding which was something that I can never forget of. The 30 minutes journey along the tea plantation was beyond amazing. I shall upload the pictures later as I want you to see just how beautiful the place is. I also took part in the activities being held such as "lari dalam guni" and I won second place! :D The first place was of course, my sister -.-

So, as I mentioned activities, obviously there are other games being held but being so semangat to win the lari dalam guni (which includes excessive, I mean it people; excessive jumping), I had to stay in our room for the rest of the day because my energy seems to be TOTALLY drained out after the lari dalam guni game. I end up looking pale and feeling nauseated that I had to put myself to sleep. WHAT A COMPLETE LOSER.

All in all, I had a great time here in Indonesia. I shall edit this post again later with pictures from the family day. Be excited, people. Be very excited :D I apologize profusely for the terribly long perhaps tedious post but I can't help myself. So yeah, till then people. Toodles!

P.S: How do you like this new look? and by this, I mean le blog. Obviously. (Sighs)

CONSTRUCTION

2011-10-26T19:54:00.001-07:00

LE PAGE IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION

COLD HANDS WARM HEART

2011-10-22T21:34:00.000-07:00

"Its amazing how a man and woman can remain loyal and in love and keep their marriage alive, even when one of them has an unsexy belly paunch and the other should definitely add highlights to her lackluster hair." - Cold hands, warm heart

Well said ;')

CHICKS BEFORE DICKS

2011-10-17T06:17:00.001-07:00

It is currently 10:17 pm and I had just done working out! :D It feels great to finally be able to produce sweats. Thank you Wii for saving my life and not let me be a one damn couch potato.

THE WORLD

2011-10-11T09:41:00.000-07:00

The fact that there's someone out there who would rather live without legs just because he can't afford to pay for the expenses of the surgery has definitely made me become more appreciative of the things around me.

P.S: Dya, thank you for your recent post. Its a nice feeling to know that you care to reply. Thanks a lot :') ♥ I know that this might sound so bloody random but I have never met with someone who is so fond of babies and little kids like you. Like seriously :O Untung siapa buat jadi isteri nanti HAHA

DEAR ROOMMATES

2011-10-05T07:36:00.000-07:00

I've been missing my used to be roommates so much lately. I don't know why. I have to admit that moving out of the college was a pretty big mistake and I desperately wish to be able to turn back the time. Not that I dislike the people that I've been living with outside the campus now. Its just that things aren't the same anymore. I don't feel a sense of belonging like I did when I was still staying in the hostel back then. I feel happy living with the three of them. Dya, Nisha and Tasha. I rejoice every single minute that I spent with them. They are like my second family that I never had. Not to mention, they are the first group of people that I really open up my heart to. Family and boyfriend excluded.

They make me feel what its like to finally have a group of girlfriends whom I can truly rely on.

Besides that, I don't mind not going back home on every week because staying with them aid in overcoming homesickness. I just love being around them. I miss waking either one of them up in the middle of the night just because I am scared to go to the toilet alone. I miss how they would somehow really care when I fell sick. I miss how I can totally let loose of myself when being around them. I confessed all of these to them two days ago and I was touched by the response and moral support given by them. I don' t mind if they don't feel the same way like I do. I just feel relieved to finally be able to confess all of these to them. I want you guys to know that never once I forgot about you guys even though we are not living under the same roof anymore. Dya, Nisha, Tasha, thank you for making my time in Lendu memorable. I love you guys till the end.

DECISION

2011-10-04T03:11:00.000-07:00

So, I've made up my mind. I am definitely going for fast track. I despise those people who think the reason I'm taking up fast track is because I can't wait to finish up my Diploma. That is a complete bullshit. The truth is, I have already know what I want even before the day I entered UiTM itself. I know my ability. I know what am I capable of and I am the kind of person who would stop at nothing in pursuing my dreams. I thank those who give full support on my decision to take up fast track. I am constantly praying to Allah to show His greatness in telling me that this is the right thing. Let's just hope that it is. Studying in Shah Alam would be a whole new journey for me and I am really looking forward to it.

Till then,

take care people! :D

HELLO MR. EGOISTICAL

2011-09-27T08:15:00.000-07:00

I hope you know that I really regret for even bothering to make the effort to call you to make sure everything is fine. I regret it big time. You are so full of yourself. I knew it because the moment you picked up my call, you sound happy. I was about to rejoice when in the middle of our conversation, your voice suddenly changed. Your tone changed. Its like your big freaking ego suddenly hit on you. I know I had my ego for the past few days but hey, who started everything first? I am a grown up now. I know my limits. I have my own boundaries. I know when to give in and when not to. In this case, I choose not to give in.

Since you choose to still follow your foolish ego, I don't mind doing the same thing too. I thought calling you would make everything back to normal again but I was so wrong. I don't mind posting tweets and entries about this as I know, you only care about your own feelings. You are too wrapped up in your own world. Its okay if your prefer that way. I won't stop you. I won't interfere. Let's see just how long it goes allright? Take care!

THIS HEART IT BEATS FOR ONLY YOU

2011-09-26T10:18:00.000-07:00

THE KEY TO CHANGE IS TO LET GO OF FEAR

2011-09-17T08:56:00.000-07:00

"The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live"

My writing skills (READ: GRAMMAR) sucks which I believe results from the lack of reading fictional books lately. I don't have the time to do so. I'm stuck with reading educational books which by right, should aid in brushing up my writing skills since its being written in English too; but somehow, it failed me. Such a disappointment. I vow to start reading books again on this upcoming holidays.

Anyway, I made a sudden decision on something huge. I bet most of them will be surprise. I choose not to let them know yet (except a few). Perhaps in another few weeks time. Maybe. I will surely cherish those memories that I had back then. All of them made a huge impact on my life. Thank you for lighting up my days, guys. I love you guys to bits. Especially the closed ones. I have my own reasons for doing this though. I hope its right as I'm really determine to do it. InsyaAllah.

Dear Allah,

Please continue to guide me in choosing the right path in my life. I depend solely on You. Amin.

DEAR DYANA

2011-09-05T09:52:00.001-07:00

Dear Dyana,

I know you probably won't read this but I want you to know that I am constantly praying for you. I am worried about your health and the possibility that you will not be able to sit for the finals. I don't know why am I so worried. Perhaps, I'm used to seeing you so strong and to know that you are so weak right now, it just tears my heart apart. You are a really strong girl. I hope the critical phase that you are going through right now is not as critical as it supposed to be. I pray for you to have a speedy recovery. Please get rid of your hard-headedness this time and start getting proper treatment from the hospital. Dengue fever is not any common fever. It is fatal. ;/

Get well soon, friend.

HABIS DAH PESTA

2011-08-31T16:41:00.000-07:00

Truth to be told, I miss studying in a mixed races environment whereby the competition is much higher and people don't belittle you when you study and choose not to cheat during examinations.

Holidays are over and finals are nearer. Tons of final reports and presentations awaits.

Good luck for your finals, people!

SEMALAM

2011-08-27T03:18:00.000-07:00

Hi awak. Semalam kita berbuka sama-sama dekat kedai Joe Seafood. Lepas tu saya ajak awak pergi Ikano sebab nak tengok mini bar fridge tapi kita stuck dekat roundabout Batu Caves. Jam sangat. Habis satu jam dekat situ je.

Time berbuka sebelum tu awak minum banyak air. Jadi awak pun rasa nak terkucil yang amat sangat. Saya nampak dekat riak muka awak tapi saya tak boleh nak tolong apa-apa. Jam sangat masa tu. Lepas tu awak tanya saya ada botol ke tak. Saya rasa bersalah sebab takde botol. Saya pun terus buang air mineral yang saya baru beli dan tak sempat minum untuk bagi botol tu dekat awak. Saya kesian sangat dekat awak masa tu. Teruk sangat muka awak menahan masa tu.

Lama awak fikir nak 'buang' dalam botol tu ke tak sebab awak segan. "Awak pergi dekat belakang lepas tu buat lah apa yang patut. Saya akan buat-buat macam takde pape pun yang jadi." saya cakap dekat awak tapi awak keras je dekat tempat duduk hadapan. Saya banyak kali marah awak suruh 'buang' jugak sebab kalau nak tunggu sampai stesen Petronas lepas roundabout tu memang lambat lagi.

30 minit berlalu. Awak keras lagi dan kita masih stuck dalam jam lagi. Saya tanya awk ni nak 'buang' ke taknak. Awak cakap, "Takpe, dah hilang dah rasa tu." Saya diam je. Bersalah pun ada jugak sebab ajak pergi Ikano tapi mana lah tau nak jam. Hmm.

1 jam berlalu, akhirnya kita dapat jugak keluar daripada jam tu. Saya baru nak rasa lega tiba-tiba awak jerit dekat saya "FASTER!" dengan suara yang sangat jantan. Awak jerit tu untuk bagi saya semangat. Saya taktau lepas tu saya terkejut tambah lagi dengan stress dekat jam tadi mata saya terus berair. Saya harap awak tak nampak tapi awak nampak. Awak rasa bersalah. Awak buat lawak macam-macam tapi saya keras je.

Sampai dekat stesen minyak, awak terus pergi toilet. Saya tunggu dengan mata yang merah dan hidung yang berair. Lepas tu tau tau awak balik dari toilet dengan 'hadiah'. "Tadaa, saya belikan tiga botol air mineral untuk awak. Cukup tak?" Saya macam -_________________-" Rupanya awak ingat saya menangis sebab saya kena buang air mineral saya tadi. Tu yang awak belikan balik tiga botol. Haih, comel je perangai awak. I love you awak. HIHIHI

AIDILFITRI

2011-08-26T08:32:00.000-07:00

Hello readers! I know its been awhile since my last post. I got occupied with a few stuffs since it is nearly the end of the semester. I'm having one week of Eid break and two weeks after that, I will be sitting for the finals. Time flies so fast. Pejam celik pejam celik dah nak masuk part 4. I don't know why but I've been anticipating this raya more than I ever had before. I can't wait to go back to Perak and gather with the closed ones. But I will surely miss the absence of the holy Ramadhan. Semoga puasa kita pada kali ini lebih baik daripada puasa yang sebelumnya.

On the other hand, I'm pretty stressed out about my mid-term results. Will I be able to perform for the finals? I don't know. Its hard as finals only carries about 40% of the total marks for every subject. I'm worried sick about my carry marks. I certainly do not wish for a lower CGPA than past semesters. I do not want to disappoint myself. Le sighs.

I want to take this opportunity to wish you guys to have a blissful Aidilfitri ♥

2011-08-19T08:56:00.000-07:00

11.55 pm

As the semester goes by, more and more people are showing their true colours. True story.

As far as I know, I have definitely learn to stand up for myself and not let other people step on me. I learn to voice out my thoughts and treat others the same way as they treat me. If you don't respect me, then you definitely do not deserve the tiniest bit of my respect.

Jangan sukahati panggil gua bodoh sebab lembab lepas tu ada hati minta tolong gua lagi.

IMPACT

2011-08-12T22:23:00.001-07:00

I swear to God that this year's birthday celebration is the most memorable celebration ever. Two very unexpected surprises and gleeful wishes on 12 AM has turned me into the happiest girl alive. Never once in my life I had people making surprises for my birthday. I went to sleep that night with tears of joy. It proves just how much all of these means to me. The effort that they made is just so precious. 10th of August will forever be cherished in my mind. Thank you so much people. I owe you guys big time and may Allah bless each and everyone of you. InsyaAllah (';

In the morning, they (picture above) tricked me into believing that my car actually broke down and during the night, boyfriend made a surprise visit to Melaka! Two big surprises that really made an impact on my life that day. I desperately wish to have the ability to turn back the time since I still can't get over that day. I seriously owe you guys big time ♥ .

WHAT'S NEW?

2011-08-07T21:21:00.000-07:00

So, what's new?

I'm turning 19 in two more days and I got a pair of Janoski in advance for my birthday. That's new. Thank you ma. Thank you ayah. I love you guys very much!

I came back this week (as usual). I can't help it, you know. I feel the necessity to come back on every week. I just like being around my family. Not to mention, I am moving to a new place by the end of this year. So, I need to come back often so as to settle things quickly. This week itself, we (the family and I) have been occupied with going back and forth to Ikea to buy stuffs for the house. I got my dream room and by dream room I mean; having the ability to decorate the room on my own. I have a very sexy red bed. ME GUSTA!

Anyways, mid-term examination is very near. I will be sitting for two papers on this week, Psychology and Public Relations. I haven't start on a single thing and I'm getting really worried what with the non-existence of Psychology book. I need to make a vow to myself to make full use of every available time to revise everything. I need to maintain my CGPA. It is very crucial. VERY CRUCIAL and I'm scared ;'(. God, help me.

JIGSAW PUZZLE

2011-07-31T05:38:00.000-07:00

So, boyfriend and I picked up a new hobby. Jigsaw puzzle! :D It was unplanned though. We met for a while today and I bought this (picture above) at DAISO for RM 5. Done it halfway together this evening but did not managed to finish the rest as I need to head back home. Its not even half to be honest. Not even quarter as the whole thing consists of 108 puzzle. Hopefully we would be able to complete it in two weeks time as we are planning to collect more! I find this interesting as it aid in overcoming our "nak pergi mana" issues and we could also spend more quality time together. Boleh sembang-sembang sambil buat puzzle kan awak? HIHI. I love you.

P.S: HAPPY FASTING EVERYONE!

FRIEND

2011-07-29T18:58:00.001-07:00

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It's not like you're giving up, and it's not like you shouldn't try. It's just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

- Anonymous

You have definitely cross the line, friend. Orang dah tolong langsung tak appreciate. I am definitely going to distance myself from you for the rest of the semester. Thank you and fuck you very much.

CHEESY MEESY

2011-07-22T09:52:00.001-07:00

Hi sayang. So now that I know you're often here, I just want to say I love you. I love you so much and I will always love you. I do really hope that our relationship will end in a good way. Looking at this picture brings back a lot of memories. This was two to three years back kan? We were so young and naive. All we know is that I'm here for you and you are there for me too. Throughout the years, things changed. Some changes are good some changes are bad but all in all, it does make our relationship stronger. I really appreciate your effort to never give up on me and our relationship. There's only a few months left before celebrating our five years of relationship. I am looking forward to 23rd of December. ;'D Please take good care of yourself. I will always love you.

By the way, I made this entry right after you sent me home. I am just so happy with you. Thank you so much for making my day.

♥♥♥

SUNNY SIDE UP

2011-07-21T21:53:00.000-07:00

This will forever be my favourite breakfast meal

French toast, baked beans and sunny side up! ;'D

THANKFUL

2011-07-21T20:37:00.000-07:00

Last night my sister told me the current trending at Twitter is about criticizing Malaysia and the government. What is this, people? I am mad because those who criticized are barely eighteen years of age. What do they even know about the government? Corruption, bribery, corruption, bribery. That will be the reason and ONLY reason for condemning the government. Is that all that you are focusing on? Open up your eyes people. Every country does bribery. Every country has corruption. Every single bloody country.

If you are thinking our country's corruption cases are bad, Britain is worse. Britain is very proud of their status as pengasas demokrasi berparlimen. The latest Murdoch case proves that even Britatin which are constantly labeling Asian and African as a country which practise bribery shows that their corruption cases are far more worse. Britain people, Britain. Power and money my dear, usually turns a person into a monster. That is something that no one can every deny.

The point is, why can't we all just be grateful to be able to live in such a peaceful country? To hell those dirty politics. Kita tak cukup makan ke? Kerajaan zalim ke? Kerajaan buat cara pemerintahan kuku besi ke? If you still insist on condemning the government, sit back and think about the place that you are studying right now. Siapa lagi yang provide tempat kau belajar kalau bukan kerajaan? Buku teks dah lah dapat free. Tu pun tak reti nak bersyukur lagi. Bodoh tak fikir. Ingat senang ke nak tukar kerajaan? Nak jadi macam Mesir? Orang Mesir sekarang struggling takde kerja, takde tempat tinggal semua sebab demonstrasi nak suruh bubar kerajaan. Agaknya manusia manusia yang shallow minded ni tunggu negara kita jadi macam diorang kot? Macam peribahasa kita, sudah terhantuk baru terngadah. Hmm,

I am in no manner of speaking about politics. This post is more towards teaching the people on how to be thankful. Orang selalu tau nak condemn je.

2011-07-17T04:33:00.000-07:00

Mid-semester break is almost over. I had a great holiday. Food especially. All my requests have been fulfilled. Such requests include Nasi Kandar Pelita, Pulut Durian, Soto ayam and Carl's Jr. Classic Burger. There's only four days left before I'm back to Lendu. I am still looking forward to try the food at Fullhouse, The Garden and also Meatworks. Makan selagi boleh makan, kawan-kawan.

Just for the sake of sharing though, we (le family) are moving to Glenmarie, Shah Alam by the end of this year. I don't know why is it being addressed in Shah Alam when we are right in Subang Jaya. Nevertheless, I never thought/dream we would ever move out of Selayang. Rezeki masing-masing siapa yang tahu. For these whole week, I've been occupied with accompanying mama going back and forth to Glenmarie to settle things down since we are going to move in very soon. I'm going to miss Selayang very much.

Love life is awesome. I love him, he loves me and that's all that matters ♥.

2011-07-10T10:41:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0dcdoU51rk&feature=player_embedded

Macam mana gua tak rasa malu dengan bangsa sendiri? Macam mana gua tak racist dengan bangsa sendiri? Gua bukan bias dengan mana-mana team sebab gua bukan peminat bola sepak apa lagi die hard fan tapi gua post video ni sebab gua rasa sangat malu dan sedih dengan bangsa sendiri. Kenapa fikiran mesti sempit? Kenapa kena shallow minded? Baju je pun. Dekat stadium ada tulis tak boleh pakai baju team lain ke? Yang kena paksa buka baju tu bangsa bukan melayu. Apa tanggapan dia dekat bangsa kita nanti? Orang macam hangpa lah yang buat bangsa lain pandang serong dekat bangsa kita. Kita suka buat benda tak pakai otak. Buat dulu baru fikir. Itu bangsa kita harini. Gua serius rasa malu dengan bangsa sendiri. Kalau macam ni lah mentaliti Melayu, memang tak kemana lah kita.

Patience

2011-06-22T04:17:00.000-07:00

Life's great. It seems like God has bestowed a much higher level of patience upon me. I am thankful for that. I need the patience to go back and forth from campus to my rented house which is approximately 30 minutes away. I need patience to tolerate with the surroundings. I need patience to deal with le friends and boyfriend that sometimes may get on my nerves. I need patience to make me strong. I need patience for almost everything. Thank you, Allah. Alhamdulillah. Please don't take it away from me.

Happy 19th Birthday

2011-06-11T19:52:00.001-07:00

This post is dedicated to my boyfriend of five years. I love you (:

Happy growing old, old man! :D For the past five years that we have been together, I know I have never come up with anything thoughtful or memorable for your birthday celebration. I remember you told me that this is a special day for you because its the day that you were born into this world and fated to meet me. I hold on to that word so strongly that I determined to make this time, your 19 years old celebration to be something that you can always think of.

I know how you told me that you have never being treated with such surprises or celebration for your birthday. Its always the same gift card and an outing with the family and then me. We were still in our high school years back then which makes it even more hard for me to come up with any kind of celebration. That's why I came up with a surprise for you this time. Though its not anything big, I know I have made an impact on your birthday somehow. I'm glad your friends are very very supportive. I seriously owe them big time.

I can't keep my mind off the time when you came back from buying Domino's with them (padahal dah komplot awal-awal dah) and as you were just stepping inside the house, I came out singing Happy Birthday together with your friends with a piece of cake and a candle being lit on it. Lights were being switched off at that time. You were so surprised and touched that you let out tears of joy ('; I know you didn't expect me to be there at all. That moment was just so heart warming. I'm glad I made you happy. I'm glad I came up with something for your birthday.

I hope this shows just how much I am keen on to always make you happy with me. I want you to know that I truly love and care for you and I hope we can be together forever. Be happy on this beautiful day. This day is yours. Take care ♥

Of tunnels, plugs and tapers

2011-06-11T04:18:00.000-07:00

I have removed my 8mm tunnel for about three weeks now and it is already back to the normal piercing size. I was half-hearted when doing so thinking that I am still planning to go for a bigger size but I don't know. I had enough I guess. My first intention was to just get the feeling of how it is like to enlarge my normal piercing size. Now that I've been through it, I think I totally had it all. So I decided to put a stop to it and now I can get back to my passion of collecting earrings ;'D

SO I WAS TALKING TO MY LITTLE SISTER

2011-06-07T07:25:00.000-07:00

Me: What do the British people call the cent as?

Little sister: Penis?

Me: (falls of chair laughing)

Results

2011-05-25T05:44:00.000-07:00

Alhamdulillah I got what I wanted and so does a couple of my friends. We made it on the Dean's List. Though not that much but enough to make me happy. Enough to finally be able to prove to myself that I can actually study and do well. I have lost hope on myself before. Throughout high school, I have always been scoring badly. I got C's, D's and E's too often. In fact, I can't even remember the last time scoring an A. I am just hopeless. I am too lazy to give a damn about studying properly and all. Experiences is the best teacher. I have definitely learn from my past. I am aiming for a much higher pointer for next semester. Thank you, Allah. Alhamdulillah.

Random thoughts

2011-05-22T21:11:00.000-07:00

There's only a week left before college starts again. Looking forward to third semester. There will be new faces. Some juniors I knew in school before. New housemates. Hopefully I learn to adapt myself to the new surroundings quickly.

Holidays has been.. simple. I don't really go anywhere since I'm the only one who is on holiday. My sisters are both facing examinations which makes it even more hard to plan for any family vacation. Its okay. At least I got to stay at home. Nothing beats the serene feeling of being at home. Mama is off to China for this whole week with dad though as dad got some kind of a seminar over there. We, the sisters stayed at home with tok and tokwan. Forever alone.

Love life has been brilliant. I love him, he loves me and that's all that matters. Our relationship becomes stronger each day and I am thankful for that. You have definitely become apart of my life right now and I can't afford to lose you in any way. Please don't stop believing in me. I have always love you and never will stop loving you. The fact that you are different and never seem to take advantage of me means the world to me. Thank you for that. I love you, sayang.

Organics

2011-05-19T16:11:00.000-07:00

If only I can stretched this big....

Such wonderful plugs (sighs)

If Aladin is this hot, God let me marry him.

2011-05-18T23:15:00.000-07:00

College result

2011-05-17T05:46:00.000-07:00

I got my college result already and I got a place. I sympathize for those who didn't get to stay in the college because I am staying outside for the rest of the semester. Before you start pointing out how ungrateful I am and some other shitty things, let me clear some things out. I choose to stay outside because I'm helping a friend to reduce the rental fees. Not to mention, the place is fully and well-furnished so I don't see any problems with staying outside. The price is reasonable and friends are willing to pay minyak daily, so yeah. Why not?

For those of you who has not received their college result, I wish you guys all the best. Till we meet again :D

In search of Janoski, again...

2011-05-15T09:16:00.000-07:00

Just got back from Jakarta. It was a short visit though. Three days two nights. Barely bought anything there. Searched for Janoski almost at every listed place on Google but met with none. Mostly ran out of size. (sighs) I gave up searching in KL. There's shops that has restocked Janoski but the smallest size is eight -.- I was hoping it would be seven. AKU TENGAH ADA DUIT NANTI DAH TAKDE DUIT BARU SIZE NAK DATANG ALAMAK. Marah betul ni. Mama told me to go for Vans instead but I insist on buying Janoski. Set my heart and eyes on it for a bloody long time.

Me: Boss, bila smaller size mau sampai?

Towkey: Tahun depan

Me: -________________-"

Towkey: Yelah diorang banyak datang kalau suka angkat terus.

Cerita dia memang 309rm boleh jatuh berguling macam tu je nak angkat terus.

Must not give up

I have so much love for you, Janoski.

Refleksi diri

2011-05-11T06:53:00.000-07:00

Hanya kerana seseorang itu tidak menutup auratnya, tidak bermaksud dia tergolong dalam golongan orang yang sesat. Golongan yang tidak menerima hidayah Allah. Tidak juga bermaksud seseorang itu baik apabila dia menunaikan solat lima waktu walaupun tidak menutup aurat.

Contoh: "Kau tengok tu Odah. Dia walaupun tak pakai tudung, solat cukup lima waktu. Bagusnya"

Hanya kerana seseorang itu post status "Solat!" sudah bermaksud dia seorang yang menjaga solatnya. Orang yang menzahirkan keimanan tetapi hati berpaling daripada Allah dikira munafik kawan-kawan. Berpaling boleh jadi dalam pelbagai bentuk. Kita post status Solat tu, bila timbul walaupun sedikit rasa riak, sudah dikira berdosa kerana tujuan kita post bukan untuk menyeru kepada rakan-rakan Fb kita yang lain untuk menunaikan solat, tetapi untuk membuat orang mempunyai pandangan yang baik terhadap kita. Nawaitu kita sudah lari daripada melakukannya semata-mata kerana Allah.

Hanya kerana seseorang itu menutup auratnya dengan sempurna, tidak bermaksud juga dia seorang yang beriman. Bila dah kenal tau-tau mulut macam tempayan bocor. Apa jadi dengan first impression kita tadi?

Contoh: "Kau tengok tu Munah, aurat dia cukup sempurna dijaga. Mesti alim kan dia tu"

In conclusion, we as human should avoid jumping to conclusion and making judgments towards other people. Niat itu yang penting. Baik niat kita, maka baiklah perlakuan kita. Begitu juga sebaliknya. Hati kita melambangkan segala-galanya. Bukan pada zahir semata-mata. Elok hati, busuk hati kita Allah sahaja Maha mengetahui.

Renung-renungkan dan selamat beramal! :D

Aishh touching pulak

2011-05-08T06:15:00.000-07:00

Dya, recent post kau. kembang-kempis hidung aku baca. Macam mana ni? Aishhh, cehhpp * bunyi kegemaran *

Well, reading Dya's recent post brought back a lot of memories with my roommates. I know how it feels now to have someone who you can constantly spend time with and turn to when you are down because when you are out there without your family, friends are your only hope. They are indeed, your second family. You spend time together, go to sleep together, woke them up in the middle of the night just because you are scared to go to the toilet and they are the first thing that you see when you wake up every morning.

I might be staying outside for the next semester. I'm helping a friend to reduce the rental fees. Hoping I could cope well with them just like I did with you guys. Its not easy to open up myself again. Honestly speaking, I am going to miss you guys terribly. I don't know whether others could tolerate with my unpredictable attitudes like you guys did. I don't know whether others could accept my sometimes does not even make any sense talks. I don't know whether others could accept my quirkiness. I just.. I don't know. There's too much doubt. They have not seen, me.

Please don't forget whatever that we had gone through together, roommates. Dya, Nisha, Tasha, thanks for those memorable moments. You guys had open up my heart to actually start putting trust on others. Thank you. Thanks a lot.

2011-05-08T05:39:00.000-07:00

So, this was what we did for Mother's Day this morning. Glad that mum enjoyed it. It was pretty simple though. Just plain yoghurt with cereal, bananas and strawberries. There you go. Yummy and healthy :D I knew she would like it as she's the kind of person who is really fond of healthy food. Jaga kesihatan uolls.

So anyways...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, MA!

Kakak can't afford to lose you...

Thomas Hooper

2011-05-06T04:53:00.001-07:00

Passion

2011-05-04T16:40:00.000-07:00

Look at this pretty baby (';

MUST.NOT.GIVE UP.IN.OWNING.A.PAIR.OF.JANOSKI

MUST.NOT.GIVE.UP

Owning an expensive pair of shoes is not a form of showing off. Its a matter of passion.

Rage

2011-05-02T16:52:00.001-07:00

I don't mean to sound racist. I am totally against those who are racist but Indians are such a bad, terrible and inconsiderate drivers that its hard to deny. Perhaps not all, but mostly.

Rempuh kereta orang sampai patah side mirror. Terang-terang jalan tu sempit jangan lah nak main rempuh je. Lagi jalan kau tu ada kereta berhenti memanglah tak muat. Berhenti lah kejap jangan nak main jalan je. Lepas tu nak putar belit cerita kau memang betul. Tak admit langsung tu salah kau. Dasar perangai tak educated. You langgar you shaddap you bayar. Buto.

A dream is a wish your heart makes

2011-05-02T08:33:00.000-07:00

I feel much better today. To hell those unpleasant memories. Sent Dilla to her dancing class and went to grab dinner at Tropicana City Mall with mama and my little sis. I've been spending a lot of time with my mum lately and nothing beats the awesome feeling of being able to spend time with your mum. I like going around places with her. I don't know why but lately I've been having this feeling of the need to be with her most of the time. Its unusual. My roommates know how close I am with my mum and I think I could see myself being the anak manja here compared to the rest of them :P Not manja in the spoiled way but manja in terms that... crap, I don't know how to put it in words.

Anyways, I've been missing my dad a lot. I have not been seeing him for quite a long time. The moment he's in Kl I would be in Lendu and when I'm in KL, he'll be off to Jakarta already. (le sighs) Dad says he'll come back this weekend and I'm putting such high hopes on it. Please don't disappoint me, dad. I love you and I miss you terribly.

2011-05-01T08:44:00.000-07:00

You know those times where you feel sad all of a sudden and you just want to let it all out? That's what exactly I am feeling right now. I don't know. My eyes felt hot and watery and I might burst out anytime. No, don't even start on the PMS. I just had my monthly period. Its like.. I don't know. Every past memories came tumbling down on me at once. Bad, unhappy memories. I should be happy by now what with the end of semester two and having one month of total freedom. I don't know why the hell am I dwelling with these kind of stuffs. Its annoying.

Maybe I have been happy for a long time. You know how people said that life is like a roller-coaster and one will not always be at the top? Perhaps its time for me to be at the bottom for a while. I don't know (sighs) Why am I so depressed? This sucks.

2011-04-29T03:45:00.000-07:00

Dah habis semester dua lah kawan-kawan :D

K, malas nak tulis panjang-panjang. Esok jelah :B

2011-04-27T08:18:00.000-07:00

Dear God, give me strength for I don't know what is right and not for me right now. I know its not my fault. I know I should not be the one to give in. Should I still hold on to this? Should I stay? I don't know. God, please guide me for the better.

My patience has its own limits. Don't even think about testing my patience. Thank you.

Expectations

2011-04-17T16:21:00.001-07:00

So, its 7.40 in the morning and I am already wide awake. Just got back from sending le sisters to school to be exact. The same routine everyday and if I take charge of doing the chores at home, I will get paid later :B I need the money though. One whole month of semester break and living without any pocket money, I KEN DAIIIIII >:O

On the other hand, I've finally sat for four papers already and there's only one last paper to go before the semester break. I don't feel like dwelling on the past two papers as I don't feel like I do well on those. I put high hope on the other three subjects as if I really score on those, it might be a back up for the two papers (managerial communication and interpersonal communication) and I might also get to maintain my results. Pray hard, brother. Amin.

I might be staying in a rented condo for next semester but I am still considering the pros and cons of staying outside. Not to mention there's certain people that I don't feel comfortable staying with. (sighs) But I have a strong feeling of wanting to stay outside compared to living in the hostel. I don't know why. Whatever. I shall sort this out later and decide what's best and what's not for myself.

2011-04-15T20:13:00.000-07:00

7981) A real boyfriend

someone who loves you for who you are;
someone who is there for you thick and thin;
someone who loves you more than you ever thought someone could love you;
someone who would do anything for you;
someone who loves your flaws and all;
someone who tells you you're beautiful even when you don't think you are;
someone who makes you feel something special when no one else ever could;
someone who makes you smile and laugh and happy most of the time;
someone who's the just the greatest in your eyes and you're the greatest in theirs;
someone who would fight and sticks up for you;
someone who isn't afraid to talk about how great he thinks you are to his friends, or anyone who will listen;
someone who listens to your thoughts;
someone who isn't afraid to tell you his feelings;
someone who trust you with his heart;

P/S: These definitely resembles you, Muhd Ashman. I truly love your for these (':

2011-04-13T00:03:00.000-07:00

Since you're giving me the silent treatment for now, I have no other choice except to express it here. I want you to know that I read and I acknowledge your status updates. I wish you to get well soon. (and I hope you read this. *cross fingers*) I don't want to think about whatever that had happened last night. I had let go of everything and I'm hoping you will do the same thing too.

Kthanksbai,

2011-04-09T07:29:00.000-07:00

Im home again. Did a last minute decision to come back on Saturday evening. I don't know why towards the end of the semester, I don't fancy staying in the hostel anymore. I feel the need to be at home on every weekend. I thank God for the close distance between Lendu and Selayang which aid in coming back home with ease.

Two weeks from now, I shall be sitting for final examination. I have not yet revise a single thing. I vow to start studying from next week onwards. I need to study. I need to be in the Dean's list. I got something huge from my parents this semester and I crucially need to 'repay' them back by proving that I really studied the whole time I was in Lendu. InsyaAllah.

Friends, on the other side has been.. I don't know. Different. Everyone seems to be backstabbing and backfiring each other. Fighting for the littlest things and making big deal out of small issues. I just don't get it. Its like I'm stuck between all these and I can't seem to get myself out of it but I did learn something. I learn to be straightforward. and sarcastic. I find it better as I won't have so much stuff to be keep to myself and later became something that I would talk behind that person's back. I don't want to be one of those people. I had enough. But in life, you won't get everything that you want. At times, hypocrisy seems brilliant.

Enough said.

2011-03-23T09:28:00.000-07:00

Memang sebenarnya gua ni baka-baka heart of stone. Hati diperbuat daripada batu. Hari-hari deal dengan perangai orang yang macam longkang. Semua bajet orang lain yang kena jaga hati diorang. Hati sendiri tak jaga tak boleh hiduplah kak. Lagi-lagi gua nak bawak mobil datang Lendu. Mula lah tiba-tiba ramai yang nak best friend. Gua warn awal-awal. Mobil gua, gua punya hak. Jangan suka-suka nak suruh gua bawak lu ke sana ke sini konon dah kautim. Memang gua akan start berkira. Pegi mam lah nak kata gua kerek, poyo, kedekut tahi hidung masin. Sekali gua rasa lu dah start gunakan gua, that's it brother. End of story. Tak banyak cerita gua memang bagi smash straight dekat muka. K terima kasih selamat tinggal.

Manglish

2011-03-22T08:32:00.000-07:00

Dilla cakap pose like a rempits

I smell dengki-ness

With regards to Dya's recent forcing on me to update my blog, here you go sister.

Chapter one

To be honest though, I don't really have anything to be written here. Life's awesome. The same routine everyday but I feel good these past few days. I don't know why. I should and I am very thankful for that. I cut my hair short on one side yesterday (refer to above picture). Thanks Cha for the help. I love it. I've never been in a hair saloon for that long in my whole life deciding on the right hair cut. Not to mention, the Chinese guy who cuts my hair doesn't really understand both English and Malay/ So, it makes the whole thing even harder for me to explain.

**Tulah Usop Kak Limah cakap English Education tu penting

Chapter two

Got myself a new white Satria Neo as a reward for maintaining my academic's performance since last semester. Alhamdulillah. Never asked for it before let alone dreaming of owning a Neo. I'm comfortable driving my previous car. I planned to buy it during my working years. But again, rezeki masing-masing tiada siapa yang tahu. Alhamdulillah. With this, I shall double, perhaps triple my effort to get a better result in the future. Thank you ayah, mama. Words can never describe how grateful, thankful and happy I am to be rewarded like this. Its huge. I love you both for eternity.

2011-03-18T01:47:00.000-07:00

Chapter one

Home sweet home brothaa. Arrived home from Lendu on Friday afternoon. I miss the smell of KL. Lendu is dead. DEAD. Bought a few stuffs for myself and a birthday present for a friend. Hope she likes it. *cross fingers* Hmm, what else? So there's mid-term examination which is already over. Thank God. I am anticipating the results as I am looking forward to drive a car to Lendu for next semester. If I don't do well, then I can just dream on of having a car of my own. Might not stay in the hostel anymore for the rest of the semester too which explains even more on the necessity of having a car for myself.

Chapter two

Been thinking of shaving the side of my hair for these past couple of weeks but I don't want to be labelled as someone who is so keen on keeping up with the trend at the same time too. I just find it awesome to not have hair at some part of my head. Fish, I need to reconsider.

Chapter three

I wil miss you, boyfriend. As usual.

2011-03-12T23:09:00.000-08:00

So, after one tiring and hectic week, I am really looking forward to go back. I am excited to see my six baby kittens. My sister posted the above picture and God, look at how much my babies have grown! *faints* Not forgetting, le family and le boyfriend ♥

Heart and prayers goes to Japan. Let's all pray that it won't affect the rest of the Asian countries (including our country, Malaysia) as being predicted. Wallahualam. Only Allah knows best.

2011-03-08T01:55:00.000-08:00

As I was about to sleep last night, I suddenly remember I have not been contacting my former schoolmates for quite a while now. Its not that I don't bother, I do but I don't know. I just don't feel like doing so. I don't cherish my schooling years that's why. I had enough of five tormenting years and I have nothing but waiting to get my feet out of that place. I hate going to school. Enough said. I don't like the environment, I don't like the people and I don't think I have a true friend. Friends just for the sake of being friends, you know? I don't seek to have a group of close friends let alone a best friend.

My attendance sucks. I MUST skip school two to three times a week. I never bother to get a full attendance. School starts at 7.30 AM but at times, I came around 9 or 10 o' clock because I don't feel like going to school earlier in the morning. I also don't bother about abiding the school rules. I just don't give a damn because I don't like going to school. So why bother? That was my principle back then. I seriously had enough of unhappy memories during my schooling years. That's why I choose not to contact my former schoolmates because it will remind me of those days. I am a better person now. I am surrounded by awesome people. I am happy with who I am today. I won't look back. Never. The past surely has thought me a lot of things.

Hish, benda ni lagi

2011-02-28T22:52:00.000-08:00

Hi kawan-kawan. Saya dah berisi kembali. (baca: gemuk) Bukanlah gemuk yang sampai melibatkan obesiti dan sebagainya. Tak lah tapi lemaks (nampak tu, plural) dah mula berkeliaran dan menampakkan belangnya kebelakangan ini. Seluar yang dulu bukan main longgar dah macam boleh buat baju (baca: propa) sekarang dah kemain fit gitu uolls. Mampu fit mcm mak? Tak mampu kan. Boleh tekanan hidup sementara ni.

Monolog dalaman: Tulah, makan tidur makan tidur kau ingat metabolisma kau tinggi macam Ashman ke Ocha ke.Tak do. Tak. Diorang makan dua bungkus burger pun ramping kerempeng je. Kau dah la makan banyak, balik bilik kerja melebarkan punggung. Cuba lah healthy lifestyle sikit.

biji biji tu kismis la

bukan kulat yang macam kau orang fikir

P/S: Lepas ni nak buat diet macam bapak Nisha lah. Malam makan roti cicah milo je.

Hi, I miss you

2011-02-25T23:33:00.000-08:00

Hi, its been a while since I last posted about you. I know you come here occasionally and I bet you don't read everything that I post here let alone words by words. But if you do, I am one lucky girl then. Do you know that I really miss you? I miss you till' the extent where I can completely shut myself in an isolated place just to avoid meeting anyone else till' I get to meet you. Seriously. All I could ever think of right now is to meet you. I want to see you. I want to hold that face of yours and hug you as if never letting you go.

Do you know that though it has been nearly five years, you never fail to give me those butterflies that I felt in my tummy everytime we are about to meet? That, itself proves how much I like you and how you mean the world to me. I just, I don't know. I miss being by your side I guess. I miss how you would hold my hand and said those three words. I miss how you would tease and annoys me to the max even when you are driving. I miss how you never give up on trying to dig my nose and pulling my rabbit tooth out -,- I miss every single thing about you. Enough said.

It sucks that we are not able to meet this week. I've been looking forward to meet you ever since last week but shit happens. Things that are not plan. Things that you never wish to happen. Its okay. We'll meet again soon. I'm not used to not seeing you for more than two weeks so this really should be something that would make me stronger. I love you and I miss you terribly, boyfriend. ;'(

Feeling feeling hero

2011-02-25T18:55:00.000-08:00

Dah sampai rumah dah ni HIHI. By a bus, of course. Mama will never bother to fetch me straight from Lendu. Says I'm a big girl already. Tahu ma, tahu. tsk tsk. Semalam bas berhenti dekat Terminal Bersepadu Selatan. Alaa, yang mini airport tu. Mak jakun jap, nok. Rasa nak ketik camera setiap saat dekat situ. Maju sangat macam dah menuju 2020. Mak bangga menjadi rakyat Malaysia (Y) Moving on, Ocha dengan Yott semalam feeling feeling Detective Conan. Below is Ocha's recent post. Semua ada. Baca je. Kita bako, kita bako. K -____-

Misi : Jejaki minah pakai tshirt bintang bintang ungu yang sebegitu jinjang.

Misi berjaya dengan jayanya ! Kehkehkeh

Al-kisah, kalau nak merembat tu berpada pada. Terang terang aku dah perasan ada handphone warna hitam tertinggal dekat atas jamban. Tahu tahu aku beratur belakang kau, kau keluar jamban pegang handphone tersebut. Dengan muka tidak bersalah kau chao macam tu sahaja. Aku tidak sempat bertanya apa apa, sebab nak terkucil shangaaiitt. Dengan tidak semena mena akak tudung hitam berlari ke arah jamban selepas aku keluar, seperti hilang sesuatu.

Dengan nada tidak bersalah aku memulakan perbualan, 'Akak cari handphone ke kak ? Colour hitam ? Tu ha minah tshirt bintang bintang rembat bawak lari, marilah kita keluar dari tandas ini'

Pada mulanya aku ingat akak tu mahu panik panik macam anjing, rupanya tidak. Akak ni boleh tahan kool juga. Yott memberi idea bernas dengan meminjamkan handphone kepada akak tu. 'Kak, kak nak try call ke kot kot berjawab'

Mulanya akak tu sudah macam nak give up je sebab handphone tu tidak berjawab, lantas lagi sekali Yott memberikan idea bernas. 'Kak apa kata kita kejar kot kot dapat, tak jauh mana punya' Aku pula menambah, 'Ayuh kita ke train, mesti naik train nye lah minah ni. Doa takde train yang dah tiba lah waktu sekarang'

Haa untung sangat lah, bertemu kembali minah tu sedang bercatwalk dan masih agak jauh perjalanan daripada train berhampiran. Baju bintang bintang tu menawan shangaittt ceritanya. Lantas akak itu mengetuk ngetuk bahu minta handphone dia balik. Muka dia dah macam kerang busuk jatuh longkang tak tahu nak letak muka dekat mana. Nak tipu pun tak boleh beb, gua dah nampak lu amek. Lu langsi beb, langsi. Malu jep malu. Memang lawak lah kan tengok daripada jauh. Jauhlah sebab aku tak larat nak jalan dah, almaklum beg berat shangaitt. Yott je semangat kejar dengan akak tu hikhik.

Macam tu je episod merembat berakhir. Comel kan cerita ni, aku rasa macam hero betul. Haha. Lupa pulak Nyet ada sebab semua dok tahan gelak jalan belakang minah bintang bintang tu.

Lain kali, periksa apa yang patut sebelum meninggalkan premis premis awam. Lagi satu, nak mencuri pun pakai skill beb. Longkang betul skill kau.

Benda yang paling aku sesal lah kan, kita semua satu bas kot waktu dalam tandas. Elak kau satu tempat belajar dengan aku je lah. Entah entah minah ni jugak yang rembat handphone kau dekat gerai Kak Lala tu Yott. Siapa tahu.

Haih macam macam, yang penting feeling feeling hero mesti mantap. Kbai.

2011-02-22T09:36:00.000-08:00

Kita semua sama-sama diploma. Semua sama je. Takde sorang pun lebih daripada yang lain. Kau mungkin feeling feeling baru nak dapat up dekat sini. Pilih kawan semua. Big time ass kisser. Tapi ingat balik root kau. Diploma je pun. Those asses that you kissed and might kiss are from the same root too. Its okay to kiss ass at times but not until the extent where you go overboard. Orang bukan takde mata. Orang bukan takde mulut. Orang perhati je perangai. Orang mengata. Mulut pass ke mulut. Kita keluar nanti graduate diploma baru.

Macam lecturer bahasa melayu dulu pernah cakap. Setakat diploma, degree semua tahap macam boleh campak tepi longkang je. Boleh kau argue dengan statement tu? Aku setuju 100%. Takde apa yang nak dibanggakan bila kau rasa kau ni superior daripada orang lain hanya sebab kau banyak melekat dengan mereka mereka yang ada jawatan. Kita part 2 baru lah kawan. Jauh lagi perjalanan. Jangan lupa diri nanti Tuhan murka. Bukan setakat Tuhan murka but you know how karma is a bitch. Takut nanti akhir akhir nanti kau jilat ludah sendiri balik je nanti. Fikir panjang sikit lah kawan. Okay? Terima kasih.

P/S: Ini masalah bila semua melayu. Semua bersaing nak jadi paling atas. Kalau secara sihat takpe jugak. Ini macam tettttt

2011-02-21T02:31:00.000-08:00

I have a strong feeling of wanting to live outside for the next semester. Dalam erti kata lain, duduk rumah sewa. All these endless of pointless events on every week pissed me off. College events especially. I don't know why. I just don't fancy staying in the hostel for a period longer than two weeks time. Anak mak ni. Tolonglah faham MEHEHE

2011-02-17T18:43:00.000-08:00

You know what? Scratch my last post. I don't know. At times, I feel like I'm the only one who's really into our relationship. K.

Skunk spray

2011-02-10T02:41:00.000-08:00

Bought this in Singapore and I swear it tasted like crap!

Dalam masa seperti ini, aku don't feel like giving a damn about anyone. Nuh-uh.

Okay, moving on. These whole week has been one hell of a tough week. I am sick and though its been four days already, I've still not yet recover from I don't know, food poisoning perhaps? I don't know because I don't go to the clinic. HIHI. Le friends has been forcing me to go to the clinic but I refused to. I simply don't want to go to the clinic. Not because I'm afraid or anything (mak pernah kena tampal lapan gigi sekali nok) but I simply don't want to. Kthanksbaii :S

Allow me to list out the things that I've been through for this week:

- I've been going to the toilet non-stop (to do the you-know-what)

- I feel beary de hydrated

- I constantly feel nauseous

- My body seems to be rejecting food all the time

- I suffered from endless of stomach ache that at times, I actually cried

- My phone has been stolen

Now ladies, the last part was I think, the highlight of this week. I've been using it for only less than one year. I hope you (the person who stole my phone) suffer from chronic diarrhea. Die you bitch. So anyways, I'm going back home tomorrow. I need all kind of necessary medication for my stomach. Fobia tau mak. K, shall update again soon. Good day ahead mates~

Like a boss

2011-02-09T03:07:00.001-08:00

Eloklah tu

2011-02-09T01:08:00.000-08:00

Baguslah curi handphone aku depan makanan. Rezeki tu. Elak perut kau kembung, telinga kau berkulat je nanti. Dah lah orang tengah sakit. Nak guna handphone tu nak contact family ke apa. Kau aniaya orang lain okay. Sangat aniaya. Tunggu Allah je balas balik. UiTM ni tak besar mana pun by the way.

I really want to go back home this week ;'(

Lendu, land of killer boredom

2011-02-06T04:32:00.000-08:00

The title says it all. So,I'm already in Lendu. There were only four people at my level when I arrived this afternoon. My level was really quiet. Pin-drop silence to be exact. I sat alone in my room and I end up crying to myself. I just hate the silence. Its like a totally different world back there at home and here. There's like no life in here you know. But its okay. I know tomorrow would be a better day since I'll be meeting those familiar and happy faces. They shall aid in getting rid of this negative feelings.

Meanwhile, I am running out of time. Mid-term examination is just around the corner and I have not yet read a single thing. I vow to start studying from tomorrow :| must study.must study.must study.

P.S: Good luck boyfriend on your final examination. Kata nak basikal en? Buat elok2 ^_^

2011-02-04T08:19:00.000-08:00

I need new shoes. I need new shoes. I need new shoes.

Berapa lama lah sial nak benda ni. Taknak makan lah!

Ikat perut lepas tu makan kasut omnyomnyom

I need a pair of Janoski to be exact.

Nuff' said

2011-02-04T07:27:00.001-08:00

So, I'm going back to Lendu on Sunday. Back to where the food, place, weather and people sucks. Thank God for the existence of those awesome friends. They aid in overcoming those dead boring days. If its not because of you guys, I might be suffering from endless of chronic homesick. Seriously. No joke. So, thanks a lot guys. I owe you guys big time. On the other hand, I am pretty devastated about not being able to stretch back my ears. It has totally shrink back to I don't know, 3mm perhaps? Fifty ringgit my ass. Gone, just like that.

Chapter seterusnya;

This is for the one who spends years in school but doesn't know the difference between inches and mm. Thanks for taking some of your time to read my blog and tell your mummy about the stuffs that I wrote here.

Random rants

2011-02-03T18:13:00.000-08:00

There is absolutely, ABSOLUTELY nothing cool about posting pictures of you going to the club, grinding with multiple girls till' you get a fucking boner and holding beer in one hand with those annoying 'victory' facial expression. Especially if you're a malay. Macam sial memalukan tau tak korang ni. and no, don't you even think of you being OPEN MINDED by doing all that. Konon korang ni ranking abang-abang, akak-akak yang wild lah? Puiii. Sempit otak tulah buat macamtu. Dah boleh pegi mampus dah tu.

2011-02-01T20:58:00.000-08:00

Comelnya benda ni!

I was supposed to go out with boyrfriend today but he cancelled at the last minute. He got his own reasons though. I ish very very sad :| But I'm a big girl now. So, I am not going to be all bloody upset about it. I hope we can still meet before I go back to Melaka. I really hope to see you again. I miss you! Sangat okay. I ken daiiii :O

I write sins not tragedies

2011-02-01T03:44:00.001-08:00

Fish, my new plug won't go in. I think there's some kind of a small cut at the ear. So much for stretching to 6mm -,- I bet that's why it is pretty painful for me to insert the new plug which cost me about fifty freaking ringgit. I've not been wearing any plug for these one whole day (I can't stand the pain) and I bet it is starting to shrink. DAIIIIII. Must.buy.new.taper.Must.buy.new.taper T_____T So, this only add to the things I must do/get by this week.

1) A 6mm taper for sure. Might stretch it again by myself

2) New UWS and instax film

3) Wall climbing

4) Bring le sisters to Sunway Lagoon -_-

5) Drink tons of plain water

6) LESS EATING, PLEASE. k bai

P.S: The reason most (perhaps all) of my entries are being typed/written in English is because I just prefer to. Not to mention those cursing and swearing moments. They sound much more courteous in English. Seriously. Just saying though.

Sisterhood

2011-02-01T03:19:00.001-08:00

Happy 17th Birthday again, ye sister! :D I hope the surprise just now made your day. Its the least I can do since I know you have not been celebrating your birthday for ages. Let alone surprises. and I certainly know you are totally surprised by how did I manage to have your friends to come along kan? Tengoklah mastermind siapa :P I hope the smell of those eggs, flour and milo stick with you for as long as I wish to. :P Happy Birthday again and may you be more mature (and less annoying) on this wonderful day. Kakak loves you always (:

Singapore was..

2011-01-31T05:39:00.000-08:00

So, I just came back from Singapore today and let's just say, Singapore was I don't know, pretty much nothing. No soul. Yes, that's the word. If its not for the beyond amazing Universal Studio (though Singapore were raining non-stop everyday), I don't think I'll ever think of going there again. and those jaw-dropping Dr. Marten's store too! My sister got herself a pair of red Dr. Marten's for her birthday present though. Lucky bitch. I ish very the jealous :S Happy 17th Birthday anyway, sister :B

This goes to ye boyfriend,

GET WELL SOON, AWAK! Heheh, virus dh berjangkit. Thank you for your concern on that day.

The more reasons to love you is because you don't even care if I blow my nose in front of you and you wipe my sweats away with your bare hands. I wonder how many guys are willing to do that. I like this feeling where I can totally be myself around you and not feel insecure about it. Thank you for that. I love you always (:

I don't like giving title for my post

2011-01-25T04:30:00.000-08:00

I was just stepping out of Sidek's car when I heard someone yelling from the opposite block but I simply ignore it till' Ocha said this..

Ocha: Amende entah.

Me: Apahal kau?

Ocha: Kau tak dengar eh? -,- Dia cakap kat kau kot. Apa barang mass comm!

Me: (I was wearing mass comm's official shirt so yeah) EH EH MULUT MACAM GAMPANG!

The hell? I mean, I was in a really good mood and she freakin' ruined it. She don't even have the guts to yell back and actually show her face. Apa barang jerit belakang langsir? Opah aku pun boleh buat macam tu. Tsk Tsk. Kitorang mass comm memang selalu kena stereotype. Its okay. At least we got guts!

Anyways, I went to blood donating campaign yesterday. It was being held in the campus itself. I was so psyched because I've been wanting to donate blood since forever. So, I filled in the form and went to the second phase which is to test for blood type. So, I waited for the result and well, I did not pass it. "You aa tak cukup itu manyak zat besi. Darah you cukup untuk diri you saja bukan untuk orang lain. Cuba lain kali aaa" -,- AMENDE ENTAH! There goes one of my life's to-do-lists. Gone. (emooooo) K bai :|

2011-01-23T08:05:00.000-08:00

For the record, boyfie came to visit me in Melaka today :D It was not planned though. He got his futsal tournament at MMU Melaka in the first place and since I'm in Melaka as well, why not? HIHI. But it was only for two hours. Makan makan lepas tu balik. Rindu dah T_T Ocha accompanied me since there were eight other guys with him as well. the horror ;O Thanks cha! Cuti nanti kau serbu je rumah ubi keledek k? Kerja nak tidur je dia haha.

So anyways, minggu depan cuti seminggu, kawan-kawan (muka gembira) wall-climbing again perhaps? (;

Tonight we feel alive

2011-01-22T01:37:00.000-08:00

Firstly, its fucking rude for any of you to say something bad about any of my family members. Secondly, its even more rude for you to come here and say my sister is slutty. I'm going to cut your head off if I ever find out who the fuck are you. Seriously.

2011-01-20T06:31:00.000-08:00

So, my iPod cracked. It fell out from my locker, which was placed at a rather high place. Obviously. (long sighs) *takes out gun and points to head* Goodbye, dear earthlings. I shall die any minute from now. 5,4,3,2... okay maybe not. I still have a long way to go. I want to get married and have babies. Amalan tak cukup lagi. BUT MY IPOD FREAKING CRACKED! EMOOOOOOO FOREVURRRR' T___T

2011-01-19T07:01:00.000-08:00

Meet my newly stretched 6mm ears!

It was a pretty big jump though. I was at 3mm before and to jump straight to 6mm was just, huge. At least, that's what I think. But the person who did this said its completely okay to jump to 6mm and only after that I need to slow down. I mean, this is her work and I bet she knows what she is doing so I just gave my utmost trust on her.

I was scared to hell at first though but I simply got over it and I was also darn scared at the risk of getting a blow out and all but thank God, my ear seems to heal greatly. There's blood clotting around the lobe on the first two days but that's it. I find it interesting that I can actually see through the hole now :D andddd not forgetting, for those who think this stinks and repulsive, you can keep it to yourself. Telinga aku, aku punya sukalah. Kthanksbaii

2011-01-13T18:43:00.000-08:00

Awak, kalau nak kawen dengan saya, saya nak macamni. Dalam telur pokemon :D Bukan telur, yang telur testes (testicles) tu. Bukan -.- Teluq kenduq takmau. Telur pokemon la. Yang bila masuk air tu dia KA-POWWW, ada binatang keluar HEHEH :B Tapi instead of binatang, keluar benda ni. EHEKSZ :P

Bangun pagi, gosok gigi EHEKSZ

2011-01-13T16:36:00.000-08:00

I have the tendency to fall for guy with lip piercing :O

with the right look of course -.-

Ohaii dear mates,

Bangun pagi, gosok gigi tau2 takde kelas. I IS NO SLEEPY ANYMORE. It was supposed to be an 8.30 am class and you know how it feels to wake up at that kind of time and be informed later that the class is being cancelled -.- WAI YU NO INFORM EARLIER MADAME ASH? EMO FOREVURRRRRR' (courtesy of sopeah; salmon busuk) Anyways, on the bright side, I am going back home again people. EHEKSZ EHEKSZ. Shall increase the size of my tunnel. Behold, ze pain, again :|

Anyways, the supposedly 4 months holidays has been change to 3 freaking weeks only. WHAT THE FUGG IS ZIS? (hantuk kepala dekat meja jap) I is very mad. I mean, why the heck can't they just stick with the normal 2 months semester break? I've been setting it in my mind that I'll finish my diploma at the age of 21 and that's it. I don't give a shit about finishing early and stuff. Haizz, so mad. so sad. 3 freaking weeks is just like, IDK. shave ketiak jelah sampai 3 minggu lepas tu balik Lendu. YEAYYYYY, bitch. depressing thoughts attack. NOOOO! :B Ohaiii, I daiiii. Baiiii~

2011-01-09T08:40:00.000-08:00

Thisssss, Ohaiiiii I daiiiiiii

I have a very ugly handwriting. I've been working to make it better since forever but I will always end up stuck with the same ugly handwriting. I am starting to think that it's a curse, you know. I am cursed to live with ugly handwriting for the rest of my life. Anddd, the lack of drawing skills. people. Pfffftttt -.- But on top of that, I still think I am an interesting person. Don't you think so? :B

KUIH PAU!

P.S: This is what happen when you can't express yourself properly. Kuih Pau MIHIHI

This is pure beauty

2011-01-08T06:46:00.000-08:00

Put a gun to my head and paint the walls with my brains

2011-01-08T06:23:00.000-08:00

Well, I shall stop posting depressing posts for now since well, ahh forget it. I rather not talk about it. But heck, where else am I suppose to channel all these depressing thoughts that I have anyway? I mean, I keep so many things to myself that I think if I don't express these thoughts somewhere, I might explode. LIKE A BOMB. FUCK YEA. Okay, depressing thoughts attack, again. (sighs) I is so emo. FML -.-

Let's turn to a new page

2011-01-06T02:55:00.001-08:00

Chapter one

Well, I decided to look on the brighter side of life. After all, I'm going back home tomorrow. The happy faces that are waiting for me at home shall brighten up my day. In fact, they shall brighten up the whole week itself. Though it has only been one week, I miss my family already. I miss spending time with them. Truth to be told, I need a serene place to run away from all these because I don't want to deal with it any longer and the only place I could think of is home. Perhaps seeing those faces that I truly love and care about shall aid in letting go of all these unnecessary stuffs.

Chapter two

I want to create a new page for my life. Its 2011 already and yet, I am still hovering over the same old pages. Perhaps that's why I am still dealing with all these unnecessary problems. I want to create a better personality for my own benefits.

I don't want to mourn over small things.
I shall not be too honest about what I feel as I might get smash back directly to my face. Just like what happened these past few days.
People just don't get me and I need to deal with that. Not even the person that I thought could be. I was wrong. Dead wrong.
I should not put too much hope or rely on someone so much after this. I regret it big time.
I should learn to pretend to be happy after this even when I'm at my worse state of mood
I will never get over the fact that I am sensitive and some people just need to deal with it

Chapter three

Despite of all the depressing things that I need to deal with, I am still looking forward to one thing that is to stretch my ear to a bigger size! :D I keep having to remind myself that the limit shall be at 6mm or there's no turning back. I definitely do not want to get married with a big earlobe -.- Not forgetting, I need to thank all my mates and roommates for cheering me up. I owe you guys big time!

Have faith in me

2011-01-05T23:31:00.000-08:00

The same thing happened again today and I am seriously tired of all these. As much as I don't want you to read this, there's still some tiny part in me that wants you to read this as this is the only way for me to let you know how I actually felt. Why can't you be considerate about how I might feel? I have feelings too you know. I'm not some stone-hearted creature that can be yell at and be treated like some piece of shit who don't deserve to be sympathize at all. Despite the rugged and sometimes boyish appearance, I am still a girl who is very fragile at heart especially when it comes to emotion. I get sensitive easily but I barely show it and when I do, I expect you to understand. You should know better because its not like we have just been together yesterday. Dah lima tahun dah pun, awak. Can't you at least appreciate the effort that I made for trying to be happy when I actually don't? I did that so as to tolerate with your temper and to satisfy you. Why can't you see all that? (sighs) Why can't you think of all the tolerance and patience that I have when I'm with you? and I even apologize when I am not the one at fault.

Today, you go all moody for one simple word. I called you "dude" and you think its inappropriate? What about those times when you called me with such names and I am still able to laugh about it? You yelled at me for crying yesterday because you think it is something that I should not cry about? What about today? The way you act just because of one simple word. My heart still aches from yesterday (saya tak tunjuk pun kan?) and just when I am about to feel okay, you make everything worse. As I am typing these, my eyes are all watery but I force myself not to cry because again, I don't think you would understand. I care too much. That's why. Maybe I should stop caring too much about others (or maybe you) and start to treat myself better. I want you to know that each time I cried, I am really disappointed in myself because I crushed down the wall (read: ego) that I've built so that I could look strong in your eyes. I don't cry simply just because I want to or to gain your sympathy. No. I have my own ego and pride as well but due to earn some respect from you, I always tell myself to let down my ego. But why won't you do the same? ;'( Saya cuma minta awak utk faham perasaan saya. That's all and nothing more. Saya minta maaf kalau semua ni buat awak marah. Saya bukan suka-suka tulis benda ni semua.

This post by any means does not intend to offend you in any way but if you're offended, then I'm very sorry. I just want you to know how I really felt because I need you to understand what am I actually going through.

Despite everything, I still love you. I know there are no relationships being built without being tested and again, I need you to understand that this is not a form of complaint or anything. This is just to tell you how I actually felt because I can't find other way to do so. You don't listen, that's why. I apologize again if this post offended you.

Thanks for taking your time to read this.

Maybe you never did understand

2011-01-05T08:10:00.000-08:00

Dear you,

Just because I cried, doesn't mean I am weak. I just feel much better after crying because it feels as if I have totally let go of everything that has been kept inside. Please get that one thing straight. Thanks.

Of 2011

2010-12-31T07:24:00.001-08:00

Hi, so today would be the last day of having total freedom. I'm going back to Lendu tomorrow morning -.- As I'm typing this, it is already 11.28 pm and I still have not pack a single thing. Procrastination is inevitable, people. Inevitable. Anyways, I went to Skate Rock! New Year Festival 2011 at Shah Alam with boyfriend today. MEHEHE Its a drug free youth event which means the new year celebration is free of drugs and alcohol which in my opinion is really good. Though the whole thing does not really stand up to my expectations (having huge stage and all) but I still had fun. There's skateboarders, fixie dudes and also underground bands which mostly were hardcore. The event will end at 2 AM but I came back at around 9 ish considering the fact that I haven't pack a single thing and my 10pm curfew. Hehh

So before I head straight to Shah Alam, I went to pick up boyfriend at IOI mall, Puchong (since I am not familiar with the road to Shah Alam) and ze mother insisted on asking me to join them for lunch. Seoul Garden pulak. Untunglah. So, there goes the picture of the whole family :'D I had a total nervous breakdown at first that I could not even hold a chopstick properly -.-

I really am going to miss you, Muhd Ashman. Thank you for all the good times that we had together. I'm totally going to miss all that. Its not like we are not going to meet ever again but things would definitely not be the same anymore. You know? But I know for a fact that nothing is going to change this feeling I have for you ('; and with 2011 coming in just a few minutes, Kita dah lima tahun lah awak :D

I love you always

Take care, ♥